Entrepreneurial Opportunities

The Bush administration has created tremendous opportunities for the entrepreneur. But you’ll need to move fast before Cheney and his cronies take those opportunities away.

International Job Placement. A desperate need exists in India today for programmers as a result of outsourcing by US firms. Your opportunity lies in matching India’s demands with the many unemployed middle-class Americans in your community. But you’ll have to act fast: the coyotes who supply corporate farmers with Mexican field hands are already trucking unemployed mill hands and garment workers in the opposite direction to fill the demand by the American government for made-in-Mexico uniforms.
Just in: Saudi Arabian employers prefer US-born domestics as they are willing to work without any of the social benefits Asians, Europeans, and Canadians take for granted.

The Whorehouse Just Outside the Town Limits. The Bush administration has already permitted Trailways and Greyhound to discontinue service to many of America’s small-towns. No longer able to afford trips to the big city to get laid, America’s rural population is demanding service close at hand. And there is no shortage of potential employees as pregnant girls forced to go to term are already viewed as sluts. Prime real estate just outside the town limits for your house is available now, but it won’t be long.

Private Police Forces. With more and more displaced and hungry on the streets, Americans who can still afford it will be willing to pay for protection (unless payment is in the form of taxes). Many of your paintball buddies would die for the chance to fire real guns at real people. Give them the opportunity and make the big bucks in the process.

Meat Supplier. (Our thanks to James Tiptree Jr. for this suggestion.) With more and more unwanted babies, the opportunity arises to supply private clubs with delicious succulent antibiotic-free meat. Our advice: Take the extra step and establish your own delivery clinic (all you need are a table and stirrups). Offer free delivery and post-natal care in return for the kid.

Publisher. There is a growing need for Neo-Christian publications including a revised bible whose emphasis in on the positive aspects of religion—lying, torture, and killing rather than all that crap about loving your neighbor. You ain’t no goddam homo.

Filter Manufacture. Everyone wants clean air and water. Best of all, everyone now need clean air and water just to survive. There is a fortune to be made in desalinization, arsenic removal, and nose plugs. Profits are enormous as, in the absense of all government regulation and inspection, these devices don't actually have to work! (Thanks to John Brunner for the suggestion.)