Tuesday, October 31, 2006

The Haunting of George W. Bush

One night George W. Bush is tossing restlessly in his bed. He awakens to see George Washington standing beside him. Bush looks up and asks, "George, what's the best thing I can do to help the country?" "Set an honest and honorable example, just as I did," Washington advises, then fades away.

The next night, "W" is astir again when he sees the ghost of Thomas Jefferson moving silently around the bedroom. He calls out: "Tom, please! What is the best thing I could do to help the country?" "Respect the Constitution, as I did," Jefferson advises, and then dims from sight.

The third night! sleep still evades Bush He sees the ghost of FDR hovering over his bed. Bush lowers his voice and asks, "Franklin, what is the best thing I could do to help the country?" In that golden voice of his, FDR replies, "Help the less fortunate, just as I did," and then he disappears.

George Bush still isn't sleeping well the fourth night. He tosses and turns, and suddenly another figure moves out of the shadows. It's the ghost of Abraham Lincoln. "Abe," Bush pleads, "what's the best thing I can do right now to help the country?" Lincoln pauses, then replies, "Go see a play."

Sunday, October 22, 2006

Bush's Parrot

Bush's parrot is asleep on his perch; Bush is at his desk staring vacantly into space. Suddenly, the parrot wakes up and cries, 'Here comes Donald Rumsfeld, Secretary of Defense.’
Bush stops working. What goes on? Then the door opens and it's Rumsfeld. So Bush and Rumsfeld start to talk, but the bird interrupts. 'Here come Condoleezza Rice, minister of propaganda.' And, lo and behold, a minute later, it's true.
Bush tells what's going on, but Rumsfeld and Rice think he's kidding. 'Ah, go on, George, it's a trick, you're giving the bird a signal.'
'No, no,' Bush says. 'This bird somehow knows who's coming, and I'll prove it to you. We'll hide in the closet, where the bird can't see me, and wait for the next visitor.' So there they are, in the closet, and the bird starts up again. But this time it just trembles and hides its head under its wing and squawks.
After a minute, the door opens, and it's the Vice-President. He looks around, thinks the office is empty, and goes away. 'All right, people,' the parrot says, 'it's safe to come out now. Cheney is gone.'