WOULDN'T IT BE GREAT TO HEAR the U.S. PRESIDENT tell the truth?
This morning I gave the order for a complete removal of all American forces from Iraq, Afghanistan, and Columbia. Let the oil companies, the poppy growers, and the cocaine cartel pay for their own security forces.
All war profiteers will be tried before military tribunals. Their corporate assets will be confiscated. The corporate officers and presidents of all companies who provided defective military equipment will be tried, then shot. Their corporate assets will be confiscated.
The corporate officers and presidents of all companies who used substandard materials on government contracts will be tried, then shot. Their corporate assets will be confiscated.
All deposits of Americans and American corporations found in offshore accounts will be confiscated.
The Vice-President and I take full responsibility for the hundreds of thousands dead and disabled. We have given away all our assets and have already taken a slow-acting poison.
Thank you; without your tacit cooperation, none of this would have been possible.